K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would ride that face into the sunset
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
