if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I look better un-naked...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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