I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
