she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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