Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
