she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
