Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
where am i from again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
