I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
