I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
