if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
