I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
