sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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