i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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