he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
