I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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