Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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