Umm I'm too high to move.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
