I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
