just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
