I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
