i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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