Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
