he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
