Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
