Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
