I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
