i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You may now shotgun with the bride
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
