this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
