im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
