I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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