its not stalking. its research.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
