I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
