He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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