respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
