id be glad to
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He better not be in your backpack
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
