why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
