Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
