so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
