apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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