by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
