I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
