im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
