i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
