I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
