some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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