You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mom said you looked used
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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