I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
