So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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