Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
