I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
